So long!

So I said goodbye to my third graders today, and it was harder than I thought it would be. While I know there is so much I can fix and do better next year, I realize now that we really did have a great year together. I've said so many times how "over" this year I am and how I can't wait to get it behind me, but watching them go today, some in tears, I realized how much I'm going to miss them. Some of the things that annoyed me to no end now seem so sweet, all covered in nostalgia. Like the undeniable smell of dog that emanated from them after recess. Or the hundred thousand times a day I heard my name. Or the times they got a little too silly and giggly and I had to reign them back in for fear of losing their attention. Or the million stories they wanted to tell me every morning but I always had to cut short so I could get on to the important stuff.
I had some P in the A's who, despite what I've said in the past, I will miss. I'll be glad to wave to those kids across the hall next year and will be genuinely happy when they come back to visit, but will be completely ok with sending them back to their 4th grade classroom. But then there are those that I don't want to let go of. The ones that were so beyond sweet and caring and eager to learn and such a joy to have in class. The ones that always said thank you, always said good morning, always hugged me goodbye, brought me little treats and left surprises on my desk. It's going to be hard seeing them next year as "big kids" and know that they're not "mine" anymore.
I'll always remember this first group and will probably always compare my future students to them. I saved every little note, every picture, every treat they gave me, something I probably won't do with any other group in the future. But I always want to remember my first group and the special connection I shared with them. Come August, it'll be weird seeing them walk up looking like big, giant 4th graders and then looking at my new little crop of third graders who basically will look like oversized babies to me. I might even feel a little resentment towards my new ones, sort of a "you've got big shoes to fill" attitude. And I'll wish I could have my old ones back (or most of them at least) because they already know all my routines. They know how to write and edit a 5 sentence paragraph. They know their multiplication facts. They get my jokes. That's the blessing and the curse of teaching: getting a fresh group of kids every year, but having to say goodbye to the old ones. But, I gotta send them on their way and hope I taught them enough. I hope they know how much I loved them and how much they have done for me and meant to me all year. I do love them and will miss them so much. I wonder if I'll feel this strongly every year, or maybe it's because they were my first real group. Or because I just happened to have some really great ones. Or maybe I have my graduation goggles on and they're clouding my vision with nostalgia, and maybe summer mode will finally hit and ill be able to say "So long, kids! Bring on the next crew!" I guess we'll see. But in the meantime, I'm going to enjoy my late morning wake ups and lack of to-do lists!